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NEW TO DATING APPS? TOP TIPS TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE IN THE DATING APP WORLD

Advice, Articles April 12, 2018

Dating apps is a great method to meet someone, it can really work and get you the results you are looking for, providing you know how to use it. They are a mixed bag of users and a great insight into the modern world of dating.  Therefore, the best way to make dating apps work for you is to understand what kind of dater you are and the sorts of daters you can expect to come across on these apps.

During a two-decade history of working with singles in the capacity of a Matchmaker and Dating Coach, and in recent years since the dating apps phenomenon began, I have heard a lot of feedback and real-life experiences – This sparked a massive interest in my quest for finding out more about them, especially the likes of Tinder and Bumble, the types of people who use it and why.

The best way to understand all of this? –  To go right to the source of course! So I’ve spent a year researching, scoping, meeting, communicating, being ghosted, benched and breadcrumbed, romanced and have made many friends both male and female.

Having spoken to both men and women about this topic, I have been able to identify five standout types of people who use dating apps although these are not limited.

THE ‘I’M AVAILABLE BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY READY’ TYPE

This dating apps user is often newly available and back on the market, and it is almost as if they are visiting a candy store and are not sure which flavour they’re looking for, so they want to try them all!

They think they want a relationship, but often, what they are really looking for, is some form of validation or in some cases, or a shoulder to cry on about their past relationship.  

As they are newly available, they are often emotionally unavailable too, and having come out of long term relationships, their self-esteem can be a little low, not usually for long though, because all of a sudden, on dating apps, they’re having all of these interactions and are feeling wanted by the opposite sex and they like it.  

THE ‘GHOSTER’, ‘BENCHER’ AND ‘BREADCRUMBER’ TYPE

The next type I have identified is the over-promiser and under-deliverer, also known as ‘The Lazy Dater.’

These daters often can’t be bothered following through, and are sometimes on dating apps just to look around. In some cases, they do like the ‘idea’ of meeting someone, and in other cases they are already in relationships which may be on the rocks, so they could be window shopping for future purchases, whilst not being unfaithful as they don’t follow through.

Often motivated to join dating apps out of boredom, they get on, swipe, swipe, swipe, see how much attention they can attract and correspond with their matches for either one night, two nights, or a few days, but then, they drop off just as quickly as they came on.

THE ‘NO STRINGS ATTACHED’ TYPE

This dater isn’t looking for a relationship – They’re looking for something casual.

They’re not necessarily always looking for a one-night stand, but they’re happy to say how it how it is, which is usually that they are only after something casual.

Casual daters are usually good at being upfront and happy to express their sexual desires.  

This doesn’t always mean that it won’t go anywhere, but their conscious intention (to begin with at least), does not involve looking for a relationship.

THE ‘LOOKING FOR LOVE’ TYPE

This dating apps type is very much looking for love and a relationship and know it can happen anywhere, hence dating apps is a viable option.

They usually know someone who knows someone who has met and found love on dating apps (perhaps they even got married and had a baby), so dating apps definitely has proof of working.

Often, these people, have an expectation that because it’s worked for one person, it will work for them (and it very well might be), so they let it be known that it’s love they’re looking for.

THE ‘JADED DATER’ TYPE  

This dater has been single for many years and is beginning to feel understandably jaded. They have tried pretty much everything from online dating to dating apps and are usually on multiple apps and dating sites at any given time trying to cover all bases.

They often get to the point where they’re seeing the same faces and never get anywhere. And because of this, they usually become cynical and frustrated because they don’t understand what’s going wrong and why they can’t meet the right person.

How Do You Identify the 5 Types of People on Dating Apps?

Now that I’ve shared some of the varying traits of people on dating apps, I want to help you identify them, so you can ensure you’re connecting with people whom are looking for the same outcome as you.  

Some of the cues people use in their online behaviour, can help identify their motivation and by being more observant to these cues, you can swipe your way to success by connecting with the right people for you. Of course, these are generalisations and many Dating apps users can transition and evolve from one type of user to the next.

The dater who is jaded certainly didn’t start out that way and the one who isn’t looking for anything serious often gets more than they bargain for and fall in love.

HOW TO IDENTIFY SOMEONE WHO IS AVAILABLE BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY READY

Someone who is newly available, feeling curious and having a visit to the candy store, is usually emotionally unavailable and wants maximum results. Therefore, their photos will be good – Sometimes, even too good to be true. These daters are often looking for validation and an ego boost, and trying to build back their self-worth, which may have taken a hit after coming out of a long-term relationship.

They will often write exaggerated profiles too, trying to spark as much interest as possible.

They’ll tell others things like; “I’m new to dating apps”, “I haven’t done anything like this before”, “I’m newly single, so I’m not sure how it all works”, “My friends made me do it” etc.  Then they have a licence to cover their bases.  Sometimes with someone who is emotionally unavailable after a few dates or a few weeks, you may hear something along the lines of, I.e. “Oh gee I really like you, but I’m not ready.”  They cover as many bases as they possibly can, and often, they become serial daters, because it becomes quite addictive to have so much attention.  

Having visited the candy store, they want to try every flavour.  So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, ensure you know how to identify someone who is newly available, because it is unlikely anything serious will eventuate in the short term.

In saying that though, if you too, are newly single and visiting the candy store, then this type of dater may suit you and your current situation perfectly.

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE ‘GHOSTER’, ‘BENCHER’ AND ‘BREADCRUMBER’

A simple way to identify the ‘ghoster’, ‘bencher’ and ‘breadcrumber’; They usually have limited content on their profile and don’t write any more than about two lines.

This dater may have every photo box filled and sometimes but they’re all group photos, so it’s hard to identify who they are. Therefore, it can be kind of annoying and difficult to connect.  If they do connect with you, they might only say hi as their opening lines and the questions will usually be closed ended.

Occasionally, if they’re bored they’ll enter into a conversation with you, but they rarely follow through with a plan to date and pretty much swipe everyone to hedge their bets, then often ghost you for no reason or stick you on the bench randomly messaging you some weeks or months later.

If you do ever end up arranging a date with this dater, you could also find yourself on the end of a serial last-minute canceller.  

So, be aware, that the lazy dater, to elevate boredom can play the game and waste a lot of your valuable time in the interim.  if you too, are looking to cure some boredom and can be a little lazy, then identifying and swiping the lazy daters, may be the way to go.

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE NO STRINGS ATTACHED

Someone who wants to keep it casual, is usually the most transparent and easiest type of dater to spot.

They will generally have a lot of selfies, and these will usually be taken in front of the mirror and with the shirt off for a man and a lot of cleavage, legs and pout for a woman What you’ve got to remember is; A picture tells a thousand words, and whatever is on offer will be evident in the photos.

So, if you see someone who fits this description or has no content on their profiles, or photos of themselves in front of the mirror without their face and head, then you can hedge your bets that they are probably on the hunt for something casual.

These daters are generally pretty honest about where they’re at though.  They are the ones who don’t have blurred lines and are very open with age group variations and they don’t have a problem actually stating upfront that they are not looking for a relationship.  

If you’re looking for a bit of a fun, with no real intention of pursuing a relationship, look for these clues and start swiping right to the others looking to keep it casual too.

HOW TO IDENTIFY SOMEONE WHO’S LOOKING FOR LOVE

The one who is looking for love wants to cover all bases.  Therefore, they will fill every photo space which is available because they feel the best way to get love is to represent themselves in the best light possible.

Often showcasing how good they are as humans, the photos may include their family, pets and children, a casual shot or a fancy shot.  

Being serious about the outcome, the profile wordcount allowance will generally be filled, ensuring they make it known that love is what they’re looking for.  You may find lines like: “I’m not looking for a hook-up or timewasters”, “I’m not looking for a father/mother figure for my kids”, “I don’t want a partner who works FIFO”. They will also showcase what they have i.e. “I have a good job”.

With that in mind, if you are looking for love, it is possible on dating apps, bear in mind, the effort you go to is reflective of the results you are looking for at the other side.

If you are a dater looking for love too?  Look for the cues and aim to match with the people whose intentions and goals are similar to your own.

HOW TO IDENTIFY THE DATER WHO IS FEELING JADED  

A dater who is feeling jaded is hard to identity at first, because everything looks right.  At a glance, their photos are good and flattering and there’s normally a combination of photos, covering all bases.  Experience has allowed them to see it all, over many dating sites and apps, so they understand how important it is to get their profile right.

Someone who is feeling jaded, has usually been on the dating scene for several years, they know what to say and which photos work.

What actually happens though, is that you may notice a tendency or negativity in their profiles or upon meeting.  Some typical lines could include: “I’m not looking for time wasters” or “If your photos are 10 years old, don’t bother swiping” or “Oh yeah by the way if it’s important to you I’m 5ft 8in”. They will often write comments they perceive will eliminate painful experiences they’ve already encountered numerous times. “Not looking for a hook-up or shoulder to cry on”. “Don’t swipe if you’re looking for a free dinner”.  – All geared to avoiding more pain and disappointment.

Their communications are usually less exhaustive and there is often a desire to want to cut to the chase, get off Dating apps and communicate via SMS, so they’ll ask be a request or offer for phone contact.  They will ask lots of questions but would rather meet you than have a pen pal (which is a great thing!).  

If a person has had a string of negative dating experiences, it’s easy to see how they may become jaded. However, it’s important not to let past negative experiences impact new ones, which could very well be positive.

So, there you have it, some simple cues to look out for, when using dating apps.

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to dating apps, there are many different people who use it and they all have their own purpose and intentions for why.  Which is why, identifying motivations of people and their intentions, can be a useful tool.

Tips for Using Dating Apps

USE ALL THE PHOTO SPACES

Dating apps was designed for people to make a visual based decision, about who you want to swipe and connect with, so the more photos you use, the more likely you are to get results, irrespective of what it is you’re looking for.

DO NOT USE MULTIPLE GROUP SHOTS

This makes it difficult to be identified. This is just annoying and won’t do you any favours.

DISCLOSE WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

There is no shame in whatever it is you are looking for, but to avoid frustration, be transparent, as this will serve you by helping you connect with people who are looking for a similar sort of experience and outcome.

DON’T USE MORE THAN TWO ONLINE WEBSITES OR APPS AT THE SAME TIME

New people coming onto the scene will have a look around before they decide to start meeting, and if you are seen on multiple sites and spaces, you may be labelled desperate, so remember, less is more.

CONTROL THE PEOPLE WHO SEE YOU

If you are looking for love or are a jaded dater, controlling the people who can see you by altering your settings, to show only in the feed of those you are interested in, can help improve your experience.  So, you swipe the people you are interested in and then turn off your discovery, so that you’re not shown to everyone.

Also, something to consider if you’re looking for a bit of anonymity.

DON’T STAY ON FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME

If the same people are seeing you over and over again, even though they’re on there themselves for that same amount of time (or even if they’re not), they will know someone who potentially knows you.  Therefore, it’s better to keep fresh, be on for short periods of time and turn off discovery while you are dating.

After taking a break, if you are reinstating your account, change your photos and spiel, and use all of your word-count and mix things up a little bit.  

BE CLEAR AND DON’T MISREPRESENT YOURSELF

Don’t use old photos and make sure your photos show both your face and body too. Allow people the freedom of choice to swipe the real you!

So there you have it! If you’re a first time dating apps user, I hope this blog has provided some clarity for you! Alternatively, if you prefer a more personalised approach and feel online and apps just aren’t for you, connect with me today and find out how a Matchmaker can benefit you in your search for love.

Until next time.

Wishing you love always.

Louanne Ward x