Recently, we talked about how to avoid prickly questions on dates. Now, let’s take a look at the exact opposite… How to avoid small talk!
Connection isn’t only about physical attraction. When you connect with someone on a deeper level emotionally, you create a bond, leaving your date wanting more.
Not only that, usually, you set an entirely different tone for the date and you leave your date feeling inspired to want to see you again. This may simply be because the way you connected with your date was different than previous times.
Small talk should really be… BIG talk!
BIG talk is about understanding that people in fact, do have a life and do like to answer questions and are happy to talk about themselves. However, these questions don’t always have to be the mundane, typical ‘first date questions’, such as:
- “Where did you go to school?”
- “What do you do for a living?”
- “Where did you grow up?”
- “How many siblings do you have?”
You get the gist.
These questions are not going to connect with your date on any kind of deep and emotional level!
So let’s look at some questions that might…
If someone said to you: “What would you like to be when you grow up?” you might think… Wow I thought I was grown up, but maybe there is still time for me? Then you may start thinking about and discussing with your date what you would really like to be and what would you really like to do with your life. Then your date would probably start doing the same. So, this question makes you think! And whenever you really think, you tend to speak with heart and it changes the tone of the date altogether.
Another great question to ask is: “If you could do anything you wanted to do and could make money doing it, what would it be?” – Once again, this question really gets you thinking.
“What is the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?” – This is another good question because it doesn’t come from a place of judgement, nor is there any right or wrong answer because your date would simply be sharing a past life experience with you. Not only that, you may learn something about them from this question too.
Other non-judgement type questions you could ask might be:
- If you died tomorrow, what would your eulogy read?
- If you could choose one person to have dinner with, who would it be? Why?
- How different is your life now than what you thought it was going to be?
- If you had a million dollars to donate to charity, which charity would it be?
- What is your ideal dream holiday?
Sharing something intimate about yourself like this is really different than being on the other end of judgement. For example when your date asks you why you separated from your partner, or why you haven’t been married. These questions are from a place of judgement and rarely help you connect on a deep and emotional level.
SOME MORE QUESTIONS IDEAS
- What’s your proudest moment or accomplishment so far?
- How would your friends describe you?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- What is your quirkiest habit?
- What is the weirdest job you’ve ever had?
If you ask your date connected questions, then you are likely to get connected answers.
In saying that, connecting with people isn’t just about asking questions. It’s about really listening to their answers. Because listening to your date shows you’re genuinely invested in getting to know them.
At times we can all be guilty of not really listening!
Think about how many people get introduced to someone and then a few minutes later they’ve forgotten their name. It’s not because we’re rude, that we don’t care or that we didn’t listen, it’s because more often than not, we are too busy thinking about and planning the next thing we are going to say.
So, before your next date, have a think about how you date and the conversations that you have. Because this will very much affect your date one way or another.
If anyone has any great questions they’ve been asked on a date or have asked on a date, I’d love to hear about them!
Wishing you love always,
Louanne Ward x