In life, we have many expectations. Some of our greatest expectations though, come from relationships. Some people say that you shouldn’t have any expectations, because if you have no expectations, then you can’t get hurt. However, expectations can be really important because they are the basis of our morals and values, how we treat others and how we expect to be and want to be treated.
Our expectations for a partner will often include their characteristic traits and behaviours. We usually look for someone who is honest, reliable, has our back, who is genuine, dependable and of course, someone who really puts in an effort and is actually committed to finding a partner!
Sound about right?
I have this story about one of my clients to share with you.
About a week after she was set up for her first date with her first match, she called to provide me with an update and feedback. Her feedback was that he seemed like a terrific person, that they got on really well and that she found him really attractive. However, even though he possessed all of those brilliant qualities, she had decided that he wasn’t the right man for her. Upon asking her why, she said that she felt like he wasn’t putting in enough effort to see her again. She said “It’s been one week since we’ve seen each other, so I really don’t think that’s putting in enough effort”. Whether or not you agree with her decision, she was true to honouring her expectations of how she wanted to be treated, which is always advisable.
And so, I set her up with another match. Their first date went really well, so well in fact, that a second date was organized promptly after.
However, two hours prior to that second date she cancelled on him! Something she was doing during that day had taken longer than she had anticipated, so she was no longer able to make it. Not only did she cancel a mere two hours prior to the arranged meeting time, she did it via text message and on top of that…it was a Saturday night and he had put in the effort to make reservations at a nice restaurant.
She’s not really putting in the effort on her side now, is she?
If I asked her whether she would date herself, what do you think she would say?
She would have to say no. Why? – Because, one of the very qualities that she is looking for in a partner and complained about after the first match, is clearly not being delivered herself.
Now I’m going to ask you that same question, “Would you date yourself?”
Seriously, what would your honest answer be? Stop and really think about it for a moment.
Your answer might be: “Of course I would date me! I’m great! My friends think I’m great, my boss thinks I’m great, my mum thinks I’m great. In fact, I can’t believe I’m single! Why is this so?”
If that’s your answer – brilliant, because self-love and self-worth is SO important! Especially when it comes to dating and the search for your perfect partner.
However, have you ever really thought about why?
Ask yourself the following questions, think about your answers and take note (literally):
- What are my best qualities?
- What have I got to give?
- What are my expectations?
- Are my expectations matching what I am bringing to the table?
- Am I behaving in a way that I expect a potential partner to behave?
- Am I writing people off for the same behaviour which I am displaying?
- Why should someone date ME?
Before we start dating, we need to look in our own self mirrors and try to gain a clear understanding of what our expectations in a partner are, and whether or not we ourselves, have those very same qualities to offer a potential partner.
So, I’ll ask again, “Would you date yourself?”
I’m going to leave you with that thought to ponder on now. And remember, you can only attract the right person when you’re being that person yourself.