When finding the person right for you is more important than just a relationship

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The 30s Dating Crisis

Advice, Articles, relationships, Uncategorized October 11, 2018

Why is 30 the most important decade to date? Get this decade wrong and the FOMO could plague you for the next decade and turn in to the reality of missing out.

Profile Type 1: Teenage romance

Coming out of your teens and into your 20s with life ahead of you and the world at your feet. Our 20s set the pace for our reality in the 30s. What did your 20s look like? Were you in a steady long-term relationship all eager to grow up and play house? Fall in love and decide to move in together all too soon? Things are great even when you fight you don’t get ghosted when you live together but as you approach 30 the long-term relationship you’re in leaves you questioning- Is this as good as it gets? , Is this the person I am going to marry and have a family with? , Am I really in love, how do I know I am in love? And so with much thought, you decide to spend some time alone and concentrate on yourself to find what makes you truly happy and meet someone who sweeps you off your feet- sounds like a good plan.

Profile Type 2:

        Study and career first, love will happen when I’ve achieved my goals.

Another important factor in life is choosing what kind of life you envision for yourself. With a career path in mind you hit university, study hard, work to support yourself and there just isn’t enough time for dating in the uni bubble. Coming out of uni your focus is now on landing your dream job and once you do progress up the career ladder, your efforts go into working and saving, hitting the dating apps from time to time with more swiping than dating and a few short-term relationships which seem to never go anywhere!

Profile Type 3: Dating in your 30s.

It’s all about fun and doing what you want, you work, date, party with friends, travel, live away from home in no rush to settle down and live for the moment. You have a good network of friends and a social life to envy. It’s not like you don’t want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you just don’t intend on settling for just anyone.

The Next Phase

So what happens to our dating prototypes when they hit the 30s? For the most part of the early 30s, the trend set in the 20s continue, although the harsh realities start to kick in when your friends all start dropping like flies, your social calendar has diminished and you’re sick of being the 3rd wheel. The once party nights with friends has turned into an endless flood of wedding invites, baby showers, engagements and your friend’s kid’s birthday parties. Most of your entertainment is mainly spent on buying gifts and turning up to “couple city”, no longer feeling like you belong as much as you love your friends and siblings.

So what choice do you have other than just being awesome and believing love will come your way? You continue down the career path, travel more and get out more, work on yourself through personal development and keep fit.

You’re a great catch, right? Everybody tells you so – Nobody can believe you are single and the advice now starts rolling in from the coupled up friends, parents, work colleagues, neighbours and the common question is why, why, why are you still single? Most singles in their 30s are pretty ok with the single status until they pass 35, which becomes a slight game changer. For women who know they want children they kick into serious mode – no time to waste dating people who don’t want the same things in life. Having discovered the bar scene is no longer a viable hunting ground, your friends being all loved up and not having the opportunity to meet people through work as you already know everyone- your once dating pool has become a dating puddle.

 As much as you don’t like dating apps you begin a love/hate relationship with online dating and are prepared to stop at nothing to find your match, horrified at the thought of being left on the shelf. Your dating life becomes a top priority and the numbers game begin. Somewhere along the journey you lose the art of connection and your dates begin to sound more like interviews, you are almost convinced there are just no genuine singles who are looking for committed relationships.

There is no mistaking that working on your career, health and relationship goals are all equally important, however the desire to have children and a family is the one aspect which is limited to a certain time span where your career, health, finances are continuous life-changing and evolving goals. Being clear about your relationship goals through the decade in your 30s should not be ignored.

Do’s and Don’ts of dating in your 30s

Don’t

  • Don’t sit around waiting for love to find you. Get a plan outside of the box of online dating.
  • Don’t lie to yourself about what you truly want.
  • Don’t underestimate how quickly your 30s pass you by.
  • Don’t wait until your late 30s to get real about your desire to have children- it’s okay to admit it.

Do

  • Get real about your expectations.
  • Have intention around your goals in a relationship.
  • Treat your dating experiences about what you can give a person rather than trying to figure out what they can give you.
  • Lose your list and give people a chance- get rid of false fantasies of how you think a relationship should be.
  • Stop comparing what others have to your life.
  • Hire a dating strategist to work on a plan for you.

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Wishing you love, always

Louanne Ward x