Have you ever wondered how to truly know you are dating someone who could be your ideal match? It is natural to have a list of things you search for and some dealbreakers which are non-negotiable. When it comes to love is it a matter of ticking all the boxes or is it written in the stars? Do you subconsciously really know they are the one or do you date until you find enough things you don’t like and then end it?
There is a certain roadmap to meeting someone and deciding if they are the one. Even though there is no one size fits all approach there is a kind of built process to assess when you have your perfect match. Some are conscious and some may seem subconscious but your search image runs through a sequence like a car rally, going through each checkpoint along the journey if you get to the finish line you know you have met someone who could be the one! So what is the formula?
Follow the road map to love.
1. ATTRACTION
Attraction is number one on the list! Our eyes see further than our ears can hear, so you will rely on what your eyes tell you first.
When you meet someone there doesn’t have to be sparks flying but if you don’t like what you see from the outside, there is usually little chance you want to investigate the inside. You scan the exterior and decide to take a further look. If your first impression pleases the eye you naturally begin to explore the depth of attraction in their visible features and mannerisms. Their smile, their eyes, their body language, the way someone dresses, their posture and grooming all form part of our visual attraction. If the initial external attraction is missing there is little motivation for some people to want to invest the time in finding out if there is a deeper level beyond the physical.
The bottom line for attraction is…. that it can grow. If it’s not “hell no” don’t be too quick to write someone off. The first time we meet someone we often notice the negatives before the positives. It’s important to create as many positives as possible so present yourself in the best light and make an effort with your appearance.
2. PERSONALITY, CHARISMA & CONNECTION
With the attraction established at the next checkpoint, you move to a broader appeal of personality, charisma and emotional connection.
One of your senses is talking the next of our senses, the eyes, they like what they see, but do the ears like what they hear? Do you like their voice? Can you have a conversation that leads you wanting more? Can you enjoy a laugh together, are you on the same wavelength in a conversation and share a two-way inspired connection? Do you resonate with their attitude and have complementary styles of verbal communication, is making conversation easy and with both people contributing respectfully? If it’s a yes you are well on your way to wanting to know more and you start to feel the glimmer of hope…. However, if you just can’t get on the same page in a natural way it doesn’t matter how much attraction you feel without communication and banter you won’t be able to move past checkpoint two.
Bottom line… if you can’t communicate on a similar wavelength no matter how much attraction or sexual energy there is you have nothing more than a budding romance built on a foundation of quicksand. It will sink.
3. LIFESTYLE AND CAREER COMPATIBILITY
As you continue to scratch the surface and peel the layers in your search criteria you naturally start looking at how your lifestyles match each other. City versus country for example? Hills versus ocean, commonality of shared hobbies, interests, intellect and career aspirations. What about future goals? Is there alignment in what you want in the future? Does their career choice impact your ability to further the relationship? Are you allergic to cats or dogs and they have pets?
As the momentum builds and you like what you see, hear, how you communicate and find enough complementary similarities and enough opposites to keep things interesting, with some shared hobbies and career choices which don’t conflict you the momentum starts to build and you are at the halfway point excited to explore further.
The bottom line is you don’t have to share all same hobbies or career aspirations, having complementary opposites is healthy for any relationship. Be accepting of the differences nobody wants to end up dating themselves.
4. FUTURE INVESTMENT AND GROWTH
Travelling the journey so far everything is looking great but what about is your potential love match bringing to the table and what are you bringing?
Now, you start digging for answers to what the future investment might look like? Do they want to grow their assets and net worth, self-worth and family worth in the same direction as you? Do they have future potential financial earnings, are they contributing to balancing the relationship and bringing things to the table which are valuable in different ways? Take the dating market value quiz to find your score.
The bottom line is, don’t enter a relationship with someone hoping they will change their mind about their future goals to fit in with yours. Find an equal match to make sure you are both contributing in different ways.
5. TIME TO MEET THE CREW
After spending time getting to know this person the natural progression to finding your perfect match is to see what the other key people in your life think. How well will this person fit into your ongoing day-to-day life? Do they like and accept your family and friends? and do you like theirs? This is a crucial step in finding “THE ONE”, as the people in our lives are dear to us. Nobody wants to be dating the enemy nor be the enemy. Being outcasted by friends and family can put friction on a relationship and make everyone uncomfortable. Sometimes it even forces the person to make a choice.
Bottom line, if you decide to advance a relationship with someone and you don’t like their friends or family it is not your right to make them choose or stand in between their relationships. Make an effort to get along with your partner’s crew and have boundaries that they do the same.
With these five preliminary steps in place, you are now more convinced this could be “THE ONE” and you are safe to fall in love… and falling in love is what it’s all about, right? But what makes the relationship with ‘the one’ a next level healthy, heartfelt, lasting connection?
6. VALUES, ACCEPTANCE AND INTENTION
How you manage your relationship requires acceptance of each other’s differences. Relationships are easy when things are running smoothly but you have a completely different set of priorities, inner beliefs and experiences to your partner. Expecting your partner to live the same way, view the world the same way and always treat you the way you want to be treated is an unrealistic expectation. Some people naturally choose partners who have complementary values both similar and opposite. These are the relationships to inspire a deeper commitment. Invest time progressing into a relationship when you have established the first 5 aspects of the roadmap in your search criteria. You will then be able to work on setting intentions within the relationship and work on accepting differences.
The decision to have an inspired and connected relationship comes down to maintenance. You must be prepared to work at it. Much like a car needs a tune-up to keep it running well so does your relationship.
The bottom line all relationships are decisions, if you decide to enter a relationship don’t wait to work on the relationship only when there are problems. Be prepared to set intentions and work on deepening the connection right from the beginning.
WISHING YOU LOVE, ALWAYS,
Louanne Ward x
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