Delaying commitment and making up a reason or to defer progressing in a relationship.
How to spot the signs
They say things like.
“I wish I had more time to spend with you”.
“As soon as I get this big contract out of the way, my time will free up and I will make it up to you”. .
“I’m going through a super busy patch right now but let’s catch up as soon as I get through this”.
When someone is icing you and you’re accepting it they know they can just put you on ice and keep you stored for a later time when they’re hungry knowing you’re unlikely to end it.
Suddenly reducing the amount of time you spend with somebody including dates in person and communication in general.
What to look out for
Cancelling plans at the last minute and offering an alternative for much later down the track.
Saying things like. “Sorry to do this but I can’t make it tonight will explain when I see you, I’ll give you a call next week and we can take a rain check”
Accepting invitations on the spot but letting you know they will confirm with you closer to the date; But when you check in with them they say “sorry I can’t make it I didn’t realise I already had plans, let me make it up to you, I’ll buzz you next week and we’ll make a plan.
When someone is simmering they are often trying to get out of a relationship not wanting to do the dirty work themselves. You soon get tired of being put on the back burner.
When someone is making small deposits, spending lots of time with you without investing further.
What it might feel like when you’re with someone who is just depositing.
When they are with you, they give you their time attention, you see each other often but they are half in and half out. You might of had a great night together nice dinner and good sex but instead of staying the night they leave.
They’ll share experience and make spontaneous plans or a plan for the weekend but they won’t invest in future plans or talking about the future.
They will spend time with you having fun and talking about day-to-day things but they won’t invest in getting to know the deeper part of you.
Depositing can also feel like the person you’re with is emotionally closed down or unavailable but often we confuse someone who is just not prepared to invest into getting to know you or investing into a future relationship as them being emotionally unavailable where in fact they are making short term deposits instead of long-term investments because they have all the rewards of dating you without making a commitment, leaving them free to keep dating other people.
Entering into the covid lockdown bubble together trapping you into a fast tracking a relationship.
What it looks like.
Dating has become more serious often having to build the relationship virtually while waiting to meet in person due to various restrictions of isolation, snap lockdowns, social distancing and quarantine. The questions are more serious the things you share more serious and whilst your intentions may be more serious fast tracking a connection often has consequences.
Having a bubble buddy can end up looking like a real-life episode of married at first sight, being locked up with someone you don’t know. Deciding to fast track commitment or shack up while locked down may sound like a good idea but you can find yourself trapped in a relationship that’s not right for you. Worst still your it can mask the warning signs of a love bomber and a potentially toxic relationship.
Dating Profile Doxing
Sharing personal information on your dating profile including your messages on social media in attempt to shame, belittle or demean you.
What it looks like.
Sharing your personal dating profile or messages on social platforms exposing your identity, there is even an Instagram page called Tories of Bumble designated to doxing.
Guys be extra careful as it is more likely to happen to you.
Despite a whole pile of embarrassment, not to mention the impact it can have on your self-confidence and reputation it is hard to see the warning signs you could get doxed, so prevention is more effective than cure.
If you are going to place yourself on dating apps keep as much of your personal life off the app. Where you work, your location, linking to your social media or sharing your political views.
Make sure your photos aren’t cringe worthy and behave yourself in messages.